1. Explore.
   There are so many ways of learning more about semantics and etymology of words. And it’s quite an exciting exploration. You will discover the most, if you release yourself from the confines of one dictionary source. Use your senses. Pick a word to explore. Think, not only about the definition found in the dictionary. Think about the way the word sounds. Can you think of other words that sound similar which upon closer scrutiny, might have similar or related meanings? Have a look at the meanings of different prefixes and suffixes, and how they are used. Investigate the meaning of the root of the word and its syllables. Look at the origin word in its original language in a foreign language dictionary. (all of these resources are free online)

2. Self Observe.
   Notice if you use internally disempowered language. And find ways to shift that. Here are examples of disempowered language.

   DISEMPOWERED LANGUAGE- Any language which defers or deflects personal ownership of one’s individual sovereignty and/or power of choice for one’s own experience. (EXAMPLE: should, shouldn’t, can’t, supposed to, they made me do/feel____, I had to___, I can’t help_____, it’s just how/who I am, I get to___, I’m unhappy because _(some external circumstance)___, I didn’t have a choice, etc...)

   FOGGING- Creating disconnection, perception of disability, generalizations, diminished priority, or irrelevance through feigning confusion, ignorance, withholding/not responding in communications, ghosting, lack of awareness or know-how, helplessness, overwhelm, or exhaustion as a method of disowning power and agency in your life. Creating ambiguity in situations that are not ambiguous. (EXAMPLES: I don’t know what to do. I don’t know why but I couldn’t get it done. I don’t understand those people. All of a sudden I noticed…. It just happened out of nowhere. I don’t know why my life is a mess. Why can’t I get a break. I don’t understand why they behave that way. I can’t relate to this. I can do it tomorrow. It’s not a big deal. I’ll get around to it someday. Whatever. I can’t do anything because I’m overwhelmed. I’m not sure what’s best for me. I can’t talk about this because it upsets me. I don't think there’s anything I can do about this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe some day. I’m too overwhelmed. I’m paralyzed. I’m just one person. Nobody cares. This is too complex for me to handle. I can’t handle this. Everybody else is crazy. I can’t do any more than I’m doing.)
   ATTACHED MEANING- This is the habit of experiencing things through the filter of a belief or thought that you attach without regard to whether or not that belief or thought actually applies to the thing in front of you, in the present. (EXAMPLE: If she says “no” that means she doesn’t love me. If they reject me that means I’m not good enough. He made a mistake and that means he doesn’t give a shit. She doesn’t call as much as I’d like her to so she must not be interested. I didn’t reach my goal, so I must be a loser. People are racist and that means I can’t succeed. It’s cloudy today and that means I can’t help but stay inside and hibernate. They behave in ways that mean my dignity is threatened. My life is demanding, so I don’t have the capacity to have deep and meaningful relationships. I have flaws so I can’t be lovable. He has more experience than I do, so I’m not good enough and might as well not even attempt. I started late in life, so my life has been wasted. Someone did something I don’t like that means I can’t handle it/can’t survive it/must feel injured or harmed. I did a bad thing, so I don’t deserve to exist.)

   HYPOTHETICAL INTENSION SETTING- Creating the appearance of intention, hypothetically somewhere in the non-existent future rather than setting committed intention in the present. (I will do it one day. I need time to change my mind. I’m trying to get there. I’m working on behaving differently. I will do it when I’m ready. I am going to be in integrity someday.) There is only now. There is only BEING RIGHT NOW.
   FEAR- Fear is a negative fantasy or imagination assumed about the future. It’s a self-inflicted handicap, based on the typically exaggerated or irrational perception that you are in danger, without the requirement that you actually be in discernible danger, or at risk of some form of physical harm. Not to be confused with discernment, critical thinking and risk assessment. (EXAMPLE: I can’t risk rejection because rejection will harm me. I can’t risk honesty because disapproval will harm me. I can’t risk courage because failure will harm me. I can’t be intimate because being rejected or not approved of will harm me. I can’t be intimate because I can’t deal with the discomforts of intimacy. I have to be non-monogamous because someone might break my heart. I hav to be monogamous because someone might break my heart and that would harm me. I have to avoid people because they will disappoint me. I can’t be successful because racism/sexism/materialism/patriarchy (etc…) will sabotage my dreams and that would harm me. I’m only half-in because I might lose myself. I’m not fully committing because being used might harm me. I can’t make a difference in the world because disagreement will harm me. I can’t go after my dream because criticism will harm me. I can’t be generous because being used will harm me, or other people not being in integrity will harm me. I can’t give because non-reciprocation will harm me. I can’t serve because lack of demonstrated appreciation will harm me. I can’t be happy because thwarted plans will harm me. I can’t try something new, because feeling like I don’t know what I’m doing will harm me. ) You’ll have to use your risk assessment skills here to transmute fear into its exalted form, conscious discernment and self awareness, so that instead of allowing fear to disable you and create disfunction in your life, you’re improving your ability to be present, and you’re actually getting things done.

   PERCEPTION OF LACK- The idea that you can’t do something that is obviously good for you because of a lack of some other resource that you don’t have access to. (EXAMPLE: I can’t do this because I don’t have any money. I can’t go there because I don’t have the right clothing. I can’t master this because I can’t afford to take the class. I can’t do that because I don’t have enough time. I can’t do that because I don’t have enough energy. I am poor. I don’t have everything I need to be happy. I can’t accomplish this because I don’t have support.)
   SELF DOUBT- The idea that you are not whole and complete and capable. (EXAMPLE: I’m not good enough to be a leader. I’m not perfect enough to be a good example. I’m not smart enough to learn this. I’m too shy to do that. I’m not talented enough for my art to be worth doing. I’m too old to find a lover. I’m too short for her to be attracted to me. I can’t have a lover because I have stretch marks. I’m not fast enough to play the game. I can’t learn how to do this. I’ve failed in the past, and so I’ll always fail. I don’t deserve to be happy. I’m too damaged to be successful or happy. I’m naturally good at this without having to work hard at it, so I don’t deserve it. I’m not lovable. I’m not beautiful. No one will love me. I’m not capable of success. I never do anything worth being proud of. I’m going to embarrass myself. I’m not powerful enough. I’m overwhelmed. I’m going to suck. I don’t know if I can see this through to the end. )
   VICTIM TRIANGLE STORYTELLING- Storytelling is an important part of how we use language to express ourselves. When someone asks us why we did something, said something, thought something, or felt something, we respond with a story that in our minds explains our CHOICE. The Karpman Drama Triangle is a storytelling formula that we are taught from a very early age, as early as the first bedtime story our parents read to us. In the Drama Triangle, there are always three main characters; a victim, a perpetrator, and a hero.

   The victim is helpless, powerless, and not in control of their circumstances, and is harmed by the perpetrator. The perpetrator is subhuman, usually unattractive/disfigured/or incomplete (not whole) in some way, the enemy, and has only ill intentions. The hero is pure, superhuman, spotless, honorable, courageous, and slays the perpetrator and/or saves the victim.

   This is how we tell stories. It probably sounds a little silly, but it’s true. We even look for this formula in social situations. When we first meet someone, we’re trying to assess which part that person will play, and which part they will expect us to play. When we size up a news story, we’re putting the parties involved in one of the three files. This formula is problematic, because it doesn’t allow for any gray area or overlap. Sometimes the “victim” has victimized themselves through their choices, and doesn’t need a savior to save themselves. Sometimes the “perpetrator” isn’t evil, but rather also a “victim” acting out their own trauma in destructive ways. Sometimes the “savior” has ulterior motives that are based in ego and/or acquisition of power or superiority, and sometimes they are in cahoots with the “perpetrator” or even become the perpetrator, for that purpose. Most of the time, in real life, things are not so simple. We all make choices that inevitably disappoint someone, or occasionally offend or hurt someone’s feelings. We all do things that someone else won’t like. Being attached to the victim triangle formula creates hard definitions though, that do not employ critical thinking and presence. Just because you don’t like what someone did, doesn’t mean they’re evil, doesn’t mean you’re superior to them, doesn’t automatically mean you are harmed, or damaged. We can make discernments about people’s behavior for the purpose of making choices in social dynamics without being so rigid out of fear that we might be disappointed or betrayed. We can forgive. We can see the humanity of another person, and offer them the kind of mercy that we would hope they’d offer us. We don’t have to see ourselves as damaged victims. It’s a messed up way to tell a story. Anything that disempowers you is probably a bad idea. The victim triangle is one such disempowering habit. (Examples: We haven’t spoken in 3 years because she owes me $50, so I stopped speaking to her because she doesn’t care about me. I can never trust anyone again because she did that. Her not paying that money back has harmed me in a measurable way that cannot be fixed.)
   BINARY THINKING- Binary language is almost NEVER aligned with the truth. And you are most empowered when aligned with the truth. So when we use binary measures, such as cold and hot (that don’t actually tell you anything specific about the temperature), or good and bad (that don’t tell you anything about a specific condition), right and wrong (that don’t tell you anything about specific factuality or integrity or potential to be of service), we are using language that creates passivity in our thoughts and interactions with others. Use dis-ambiguous language instead. (Examples of binary thinking: I’m right, you’re wrong. There’s only one way to do this. Either you’re a good person or you’re not. Either you’re on my side or you’re not. *MY* truth is what matters. You must be wrong because that doesn’t make sense to me. It’s hot in here <rather than I feel hot>. You always do that. I’m never going to do that. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work for me. We can’t both be thinking righteously.)

3. Practice
   Using what you learn in the above explorations and observations, be more mindful of the language you use. Speak in present tense “being” about your aspirations and desires. (I am____, instead of I want to_____, I hope to____, I will ____, etc…). Use your integrity practice and humility practice in conjunction with this.

***There is no deeper dive for this lesson.